Hello and thank you for calling The state Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
the
line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
MotherShip.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before
the
beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
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